I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
