It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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