I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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