gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
