tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
