i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
