and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
