My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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