we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
