someone threw a dead crab at me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize