best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
