Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
