We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Send help, water and tortillas.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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