I'd wear matching sweaters with you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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