We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
