Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
