all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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