I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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