i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
