I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
