What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
