I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
