i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
