he was CRYING into my vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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