i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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