what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
