I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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