apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
