rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
