i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
