my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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