our cab driver is having phone sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
