Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.