It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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