What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.