Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab

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(312): i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab http://tfl.nu/kluh

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn

(952): View more from Minnesota

what?

(612): View more from Minnesota

i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

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(612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn (952): what? (612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn http://tfl.nu/vdma

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(303): View more from Colorado

GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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(303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a

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(609): View more from New Jersey

im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room

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(609): im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room http://tfl.nu/jxea

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(913): View more from Kansas

you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...

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(913): you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast... http://tfl.nu/eo63

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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(519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8

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(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

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(319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided

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(609): Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided http://tfl.nu/mbmq

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(812): View more from Indiana

gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

(219): View more from Indiana

I need you to use more vowels.

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(812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw

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(214): View more from Texas

Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

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(214): Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point. http://tfl.nu/okg1

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(812): View more from Indiana

well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.

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(812): well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me. http://tfl.nu/v83s

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(519): View more from Ontario

currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.

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(519): currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy. http://tfl.nu/g3do

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(330): View more from Ohio

You have plans tonight?

(1-330): View more from Ohio

Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope

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(330): You have plans tonight? (1-330): Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope http://tfl.nu/9w5b

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(314): View more from Missouri

My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.

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(314): My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done. http://tfl.nu/u7ub

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(937): View more from Ohio

Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."

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(937): Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals." http://tfl.nu/wo3q

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