Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............