I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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