Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.