I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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