It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
