I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
