Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
