I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
