5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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