The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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