This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
