Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
