someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
