I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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