You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize