I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
