I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This is my gift to your gina
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
