You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
