well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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