Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
