so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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