I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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