a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
