so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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