Will you blow on my dice?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
