you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
