Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
