My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
