I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
