she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
