I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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