Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
