I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
