I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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