This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize