We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
