I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
