Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The air was thick with penises
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
