As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
