I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
