I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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