i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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