I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize