you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
