Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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